You are viewing bottledjayme

The Bakers Wife
22 July 2020 @ 10:29 pm
partially friends only - some of my thoughts aren't for human consumption.
 
 
The Bakers Wife
01 February 2013 @ 12:26 pm
So I may be a little excited about Brody starting school next year!

I have:

1. Downloaded the enrollment forms ready to print off
2. Downloaded a "School readiness" program checklist
3. I have already purchased: His bag, his pencil case and his lunch box/drink bottle
4. I have downloaded a list of yummy lunchbox snacks and recipes
5. Downloaded activities to help him with his reading and writing
6. We can tell me his address. He knows we live in Australia at 193 Wyong Road, Killarney Vale. He knows his school is at Forresters Beach, Nanny and Poppy are at Berkeley Vale and his friend from school lives at Bateau Bay
7. I have been looking into name labels for all of his stuff

I also keep walking past the cute little school shoes! Thinking ahhh I cannot wait to buy them! =) I think I'm just so excited because I know he'll LOVE school, it's just the type of child he is. He LOVES learning and thrives on being out there and discovering new things, he loves looking through books and finding out facts about different animals, countries, history! I don't know where he gets it from, but he's so amazingly bright and clever!

Every week he says to me "Is it time for me to start big school yet?" Bless him! I love him and his crazy imagination and his passion for documentaries! His love for animals just astounds me! The way he sits and watches David Attenborough so intently. The way he tells me "Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a palaentologist!" ahhhh. My amazing little 4 year old man! <3 <3 So beautiful and wondrous! =)

I'm just so proud!
 
 
The Bakers Wife
31 January 2013 @ 11:38 pm
My newest project in our house is to be the chief gap filler! I have to go around the house with my little tube of gap filler, a fill ever crevice, nook, hole and cranny! I'm sick of ants and other bugs coming in from outside when they get through gaps in our house!

Crazy 1950's houses and that!
 
 
The Bakers Wife
31 January 2013 @ 12:44 pm


Something that gives me a bit of hope, this is my kind of body shape - including the tummy and the stretch marks! Gives me hope, that even though they won't go away entirely, you can start to tone the muscles beneath the stretch skin and give it more of a flat appearance!!!

I have just written a new "At home/At work" exercise plan! So hopefully I can stick to that on the days I'm not going to the gym.

I have also gone a day again without eating sugar!! This is my second day so far, half way through and feeling fine! =)

10kg to lose again! =) But it's not even about that anymore, it's just about being happier and healthier.
 
 
The Bakers Wife
31 January 2013 @ 11:50 am
Sometimes.. I think of Clinton and how much I love him and I cry, because I feel overwhelmed by that feeling.

How lame is that?
 
 
The Bakers Wife
29 January 2013 @ 09:43 pm
One of my new years resolutions, is to try and put myself in others shoes, to try and see things from others' perspectives. Try to "walk a mile". My friend Jasmine, has recently started to live a vegetarian lifestyle, after watching some documentaries, for her course - About the treatment of animals in the meat industry. She has been trying to get us to do "Meat Free Monday".

Today I was thinking about it, and my passion for meat.. And I decided, I am going to try and go the whole month of March without eating meat. It's only meat at this stage - Dairy, eggs etc are still on the cards - But I won't eat any type of actual meat.

I may actually die of malnutrition. Because I am the type of person who eats meat on a daily basis.. I don't think a day goes by when I don't eat some kind of meat. So this is going to be insane for me and a real test of my self control and is going to really test me physically as well.

I was going to do Meat Free February, butttt... That's like 3 days away AND Meat Free March sounds heaps better.

I will take photo's and document my Meat Free March.. If I stop documenting, it means I died from not being able to muster up anything that doesn't have meat in it!!!
 
 
The Bakers Wife
28 January 2013 @ 10:25 am
I have never before met a 4 year old who would prefer to watch "The Making Of.." than he would the actual movie/cartoon. But there he is sitting there, "The Making of Ice Age 3" is playing while he's waiting for me to download a David Attenborough documentary.

I think it's amazing! I love it.
 
 
The Bakers Wife
I just hurt, all the time, and I don't know why I hurt.. and I think that it's because of all this stuff happening, but then I forget what happened and the pain is still there, so i'm so confused.. and in situations, I just think too much.. like with boys, I think.. maybe it's because of how I look, but then I think, no even the prettiest person in the world could be lonely.. then I try and think of what it could be and i just come down to the fact that it's not because of how I look, it's not because i snort when I laugh.. it's just because of who I am.. Then I think, no, because people tell me i'm amazing sometimes.. and so i think again, and all I come back to is just that it's just how it is, and I don't wanna accept that as a plausible reason, I don't wanna accept in life that things "happen for a reason" I don't see reason for some things happening, I don't see how some things get better, I don't understand why some stuff happens and people babble about how things will get better, but some things don't get better, nothing eases some pain, and dark days don't get bright with a smile, and time doesn't heal, time just makes it deeper and more real with the knowledge that even if one day the pain did start to relent, it wouldn't be because the pain gave a shit, it's because it momentarily passes when you stop seeing someones face, you stop having nightmares.. You know no amount of praying or begging will work, so you give up, then you have nothing, and you think, wow.. I have nothing. Then you start dreaming again and you have these dreams where the person is there again, but they don't know who you are.. and then you cry.. and the pain starts again and it's a big circle and what possible reason could this be happening for? And people try and understand and people try and help you, but your closest friends don't help, because you just stare at them, tracing lines on their face, wondering if you imagine hard enough, could you turn them into the person you want to see the most, how would they react if you said straight out to them "I'd give you up for 2 more seconds.. I'd never see you again if I could have that.." How do you tell someone that and not expect them to be a bit offended. You can't be vocal with how you feel, not because you're scared to tell the world, but because you're so afraid of hurting the other people, you're afraid of what the world is going to say back and you're scared if you scream, no one is going to hear you, because no one was listening in the first place..
 
 
The Bakers Wife
23 January 2013 @ 01:55 pm
"Are you asking me to try and steal evidence from the police?! I could go to prison, not to mention ruin my father's career and life!"
The men sitting there stared at me and I stared right back.
"No! Don't even look at me like that. I won't do it, I've never asked a single question about what goes on here, nor have I ever asked for any favours, so don't act as if I owe you anything, because I owe you nothing!" I was yelling by the end of my rant.

They looked at Lucas, and I knew what they were thinking, they were thinking that I needed to be out of the way if I wouldn't cooperate. But I didn't care, I wouldn't betray my father for them, I wouldn't shred my dignity, or jeopardize my honour.

"I know what you're thinking and if that's the way it's going to be - That's the way it is, if you want to see anything that the police have, you will have to do it over my dead body."

One of them men stood up and said "It can be arranged."

Our eyes met and I wouldn't drop the gaze, I couldn't. I couldn't let him see I was scared, even though I was terrified.

It seemed like hours, but of course was merely seconds, before Lucas stood up.

"I think you've said all that can be said. But let me say my piece now. If you touch one single hair on her head, I will personally tear your flesh from your bones, do you understand me?"

One of the men went to open their mouths and Lucas raised his hand.

"Don't speak. Don't come here again, if he wants to deal with this, with me. He can come here and we can discuss matters further, I will not deal with middle men anymore. Goodbye gentlemen."

We watched as they left the room.
 
 
The Bakers Wife
23 January 2013 @ 02:01 am
It's nights like these, when I sit and write. 2 in the morning and sleep still alludes me. I know that I'll regret it in the morning, but I just can't wind down, so I wrote - and hope that in the morning, it may make sense.

The time I spend with Ben, feels surreal, we lay there and hold each other, for the longest times. Without a word or a movement. The feeling of it being surreal, I guess comes from it seeming as if time has stopped. It's stopped and it's just us and our arms wrapped around each other. Honestly, the only movement is from our slow breathing, that seems to happen in rhythm.

Silently drinking in the warmth of each other, I wonder how he feels, if it's similar to my feeling of a lonely alcoholic? We're not by ourselves, we're together.. But like in so many other moments in time, I find myself feeling alone, lonely and scared. I wonder how he feels.

One day I ask him.

He looks at me and says very simply and very truly.

"I feel like I'm home."

And I die a bit more inside




All these random pieces, coming together to form one bigger picture. But what is the bigger picture. I'm not sure yet. But it's going to take quite a few more, smaller random pieces, to create the picture I desire.